Bad mood!

I can not concentrate today!
My plan is bankrupt, sometime I really need encouragement to warm up my energy.

I hate pessimistic feelings i.e. sorrow, melancholy, despondent, disheartened, disconsolate, depressed... since such kinds of feelings are often unbearable, causing no positive result.

As usual, I wish to do plenty of things. They mostly are doable, simple and needn't requiring talent or special skills. They need only time and concentrate!

Sometime, everything seems turning wrong, and I do not want to do anything but laying on the bed, avoid thinking by sticking my eye on TV screen.

Haiz, No matter how I love to work, I really have no mood to do things today!

Nevertheless, I know this bad energy will leave out of my mind soon. Keep calm waiting!

Disenchantment

 You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice!
- Bob Marley -

I have to write this quote twice. I know why my Vietnamese idol wrote this status on her facebook, now.
Have to be strong!

Many people have to be strong many times in their life. And me too.

Being Strong, when you have catastrophes, when you have to face with difficulties, when you have to overcome something you don't know how to undergo.

One day, she recognized she was used by the one she has trusted, lovedfor five years.  What they had so far is not love, and she had been taken advantage of her naivety. Then, foreseenable, she is collapsing.

Words fails me! No one can help but showing sympathy with her!
The love of millions of fan can not heal her fragmented heart!

I know how it hurt.
I know how it grievous.
I know how it disenchanted.

Don't let this betrayal dishearten you.
No matter how hard your disenchantment you have to live on your journey.

Fighting! My dear!

Being Strong

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice!
- Bob Marley -

I am strong among others.
I will, always!

Happy New coming days!
Happy New Year 2018

I met Song Seung Heon

This has been written from my close friend's story. Her joy and happiness, her excitement and sincere love inspired me. The story with its feelings must be memorized...

Not she only, I myself do not want the emotions, feelings bold with love will be fade away from years to years. Love an idol, it is truly difficult to understand for those who have never been in this kind of love...  The love, I know, is not simply an idol love. It is much more than that, since he devotes to us more than what an idol can do for his fans.

I met Song Seung Heon
...
There was a crowd when I walked into the lobby of the hotel. It did not take long time to realize I was in a photo signings for his fans, my idol. I looked at  the stage and saw Jin, my friend was standing near the table he was sitting. I looked at the crowd in front of me knowing for sure that there was no way to come closer to him. A disappointment raised in me for not being able to obtain his signature, my heart also blamed Jin for not telling me about his event.

Feeling very tired and desperated since could not come over the crowded barrier to meet him, I stepped to the next room where was an exhibition or charitable program  ...
...
I saw two men standing in the corner of the room. The man wearing gray jacket turned his back to me so I could not see his face. And the other, surprisingly, I did not believe what I saw! The man with perfect body and bright face who could be recognised easily, is my idol, my beloved, whom I always grateful for helping me get rid of my grief by East Of Eden drama with his role as Lee Dong Chul. Shocked and could not believe in my eyes, my whole body was shaking and I could not breath well, feelings overwhelmed me. Stammed in a while, I asked in English if he could give me his signature. He said that was his pleasure with a smile. I was struggling to find a paper in my bag, self-blaming for not having a notebook and also wondering if I would have another chance to meet him. Finnally he signed the paper that I gave.

I saw him and the gray jacket man were talking to each other in Korean, I guess that was his assistant. The assistant then said to me in English.

- Do you know who speaks English to help him on a couple of things he is concerning?

Very quickly I thought of Jin. I said immediately.
- My friend is good in English and also learning Korean, she will be happy to help you.

Then I said additionally.

- She does love you, too.

While we were talking, I could not take my eyes off him. Perfect delicate face towards me, looked at me with his deep black eyes and mythic long eyelashes.

Just then, Jin appeared suddenly, her face looked radiant with joy, her hands waving his picture.

- I have his photo! Have his signature, too! Have you got any?

I smiled at her, pointing at him.

- Let look at this person! He needs an English interpreter. Do you help him, don’t you?

My eyes soaked with tears of  happiness when telling to Jin. Did anyone else have the same feeling with me? It really was the happiness that I had never tasted.

Much joy with the photograph and his signature, Jin did only see me, not realize the two persons who were standing next to me. Then Jin's face changed immediately, I did not sure what her face was expressing, surprise, excitement, happiness or something else, or all of these feelings. I only know surely that Jin was shocked to see him standing there, next to me, comfortable and close as friends. And on top of it there was no one bothering us. Only him, and us.

Of course, Jin was very glad to help him. We talked during walking along the room. He and Jin spoke in English together, Jin talked to him comfortably.  I stepped back a bit, let them walked in front of me and the assistant. I tried to keep close to them, just a step distance.
He wore a white shirt and dark blue jeans. Do not understand why Jin and I really like him in white shirts, although he looks good in any kind of outfit. On the day Jin wore a black shirt and blue jeans. I told myself how coincidental it was, Jin and he wore jeans, similar dark blue jeans.

I gazed at his smooth and fair complexion, gazed at the wet light curly hairs sticking on his nape. The hotel temperature is still higher than Seoul’s in this season.

Could not control my emotions, I told up front with Jin in Vietnamese.
- Jin, look at his complexion, it is so beautiful, isn’t it?

He and Jin stopped, slightly turned back looking at me. His eyes, his smile looked at me then at Jin, as expecting for the end of the dialogue or wanting to know what we were talking about ... I quickly apologized him since I worried he may think we were saying some things bad about him. I asked Jin.

- Jin, let tell him that I was talking about his charming look.

Again, he gave us his infatuated smile when J explained. Now that smile was not on TV and movies. On that moment that smile was reserved for us. For Jin and for me, no one else.

I walked behind Jin and him, watched all things belong to him, his clothes, his body, his gestures as he was communicating with Jin. He gave her very gentle glances, very friendly and close. There was a bit generosity in his expressiveness, I guessed he usually receive the same love from fans. Jin, with the rediant face when looked at him, her hands gestures, her eyes and smiles, her aura show the happiness which was too large and sudden to be true. Looking at her, as mirroring myself, I know surely I had the same outlook, the same happiness.

Shocked with the unexpected joy, my heart danced its own rhymth, I only gazed at him and felt emotions flooding my heart ... Enjoy the fun of being with him I almost could not understand or remember what he and Jin were saying, knowing only that I was extremely happy.
Time flied too fast, then the time for saying goodbye came. Before his leaving Jin still managed to ask him.
- Do you know my Avatar is the green rose?
He  smiled as a reply. His smile, his expresssion shown that, he did know, yes, he did know that the green rose was Jin’s. For Jin the answer was worth more than any gift.
...

Meeting him, seeing him in real life is our dream. Now what we have is more than a dream. He existed near to us, close enough for a hand reach. Speaking to him, working with him was inexpressive joy.
Not only that, we also existed in his world, he knows who we are. We, the two fans of millions of his fans around the world, then we are the persons he has ever met, not only Avatars or nicknames in virtual worlds of the internet.

Thanks him for giving my sweet emotions. The moments being with him is beautiful memory that will be kept forever in my heart.

Sunday - Things to Do

Morning Sunday... It's sunny day and my heart is full with love...

All other worries and sorrows of this life seem no more affecting on me.

This guy, the eyes keep looking at me with his very own expressiveness of his face...
I have written on FB - My friend, do you want to kill me on this week end? How can I breath once my heart stopped beating? 

What is thinking behind the forehead, behind the look?
"...How are you? Let be stay well and doing well. Don't be lazy, hah? I always miss you and love you, so stay till there with your love, don't love anyone else, ok?"

Uhm... what else can I imagine with this gorgeous beauty and deadly enchanting look?

Many things wish to do...

...write Dr. Jin's Best Scene comment. I have no decision yet since having many thinking of the preferred photo - I have had in mind - Do I really wish to win his Prize? No, I do not. I just want to say my thinking...

This is Dr. Jin in his love...

and here, not Dr. Jin, he is our naughty Seung Heon at filming studio!

...make MV for Seung Heon! Wow, having many nice pics now, thank to Facebook and friends, I have many, many ones.
Seung Heon, did you send Vietnam photos for my making video, didn't you? Did you read my moaning of poor quality pictures for my MVs?

Youtube... I hate its management, my MVs' count view stopping many times when views is over 300 even I do not do anything wrong. My view increases quickly then they stop counting. Thanks all my friends who always share and watch my MVs, but Youtube thought that I abuse the views.
I hate, hate ...so annoying!

...continue translation a Fanfic or write my Fanfic, hehe, Seung Heon do not read my language, I wrote a Fanfic for him and yet till want to write another one.

...Log in Facebook, watching here and there, to share with friends my love, ;-).

Especially on weekend we always stay late waiting for new raw Dr. Jin video available on internet then we - oversea Fans - can meet Seung Heon again. This very early morning, I till saw plenty of friends online at 1:00am (our local time).

This photo, like someone we meets on the street, closing and yet very eye-catching even with disheveled hair in a casual shirt. Sunshine caresses his neck, his chest... Suddenly I do not want to be a human, I wish I was winds or sunshines... hummm.

...Write on blog my loving heart and post those nice photos, show to Fans how beautiful and nice Seung Heon as a movie star and as a normal guy.

Is it the 36 year-old guy? So young and chic!

...Learning Korean, yeap! It is not easy with many things in mind and the structure of Korean different with our language as well.

Hehe, it seems learning Korean is most important ! I can know what Seung Heon talking on his activities and can communicate when I being in Korea this Nov so I stop chitchat here to back to lessons now.

Let enjoy the weekend together!

Song Seung Heon - My favorite weapon

It is raining...
Rains do not give me bad feelings, rains always recall sweet memories and love...

Yesterday I have met an old friend, her life is not bad with high position in a corporate, house, car with a family and yet she is not happy with what she has, because she is not very well.
My staff is another case, she has a family, too with many issues a family may has...
I find both of them is lacking of caring to themselves, they are busy of complaints or of unhappiness. And of course, besides the unhappiness, they have plenty of other concerns and stresses as well.

24 hours a day, we can not have more than that. Work, family, friend, hobbies or learning to self-improve, many things to do and need times, but with only 24 hours how do you allocate or make priority?
Therefore I enjoy each moment of my life, each breath, each happiness, even each sadness.

How I can share and give my influence to my friends, how to provide them the energy I have for making them happier?

Some days some unexpected things happen and bad feelings come, I also feel really dull... but I have many weapons to fight back and releasing soon. Books, movies, sport... and love always work in these cases. Loving someone and doing something for them are the best way to release me.


Watching my lovely idol is one of my favorite weapons.

One friend wrote on facebook about his hand, yes, I also notice his hand, I love his hands for longs.

Song Seung Heon's hands, are not tender or not soft but always create manly and strong feelings, tell you about trust hands whose you can rely on, can believe in...

Below is a picture from Japan Calendar shooting last year. This is my most loving photos among others of the Event. The second time I post it here.
Song Seung Heon in this photo... wide shoulders, strong arms, expressive face with pensive glance... He is perfect as a mature man, thoughtful and closing...
His beauty and loneliness touch my heart.
The blood vessels on his arms and hands, I wish to know how to feel them... they are irresistible sexy!

Who do not love him in this photo?

And these pictures in the Dr. Jin's Press Conference on 17 May recently. Now and then, the hand showing his owner was a bit anxious or boring??? Or hiding some thinking with the eyes were looking at something or were not?

He looked at his left hand 3 times during his speech. So much focus in what he would talk, his hand kept touching, moving on the table.
His hand in this photo looked slim, tender and seems need another hand to hold for more confident...

Hehe, just my imagination!
How could Song Seung Heon lose his confident or be anxious in the such events!
But I love to think that way, and I will, much willing to offer my hands any time he needs.

Fighting, Song Seung Heon! Be sure that you must take care well, for us.

Feel bad or frustrated, Song Seung Heon will help me to overcome.
Thanks for your existence, Song Seung Heon!

A new year come

Time flies.
With happiness and sorrow, with disapoinment and hope. And you, stay there with time prints on your soul.

Do you till there with the warm in your heart? Do you till keep the wish to see the sunrise with the one you love? Do you remember a favor poem you have ever learned by heart?

Something yes, something no. You have few of yourself before.

On the road of life you gain some and lost some, hope that you not lost what you love most.

Just back one of the place of memory, a place I have loved so much, the place with many sweet and bitter momeries... The river is so nice, the fresh air, the sky...all will release you from hard feeling you are facing with. I love the place so much that I wish to be there at least once a week.

So, go on your life, and reserve time to recharge your soul, give a warm hug to your past, which part of your life even you accept it or not.
Go on, go on ...

Have a happy New year!

What is going wrong?

Another strange day to me!

I wanted, I made and now I am till not happy with what I have now!

Alone, running away from the current situation, want to be free from all headache matters and yet I am not happy! Everything is till there, when I am separated from such things, it seems worse with a clear picture. That is much clearer.

Then, what can I do next?

I lost the young guy I love, but I thought I did not love him that much. I think I can 't bear the separation for ever. But I am wrong, I missed him badly. I want to see his face, his laugh, whenever I pass a place I have been there with him, I miss him too much. Am I wrong to let him go out of my loving arms?

I fight lonely in this life, no one for me to lean on, I have to go my way, cry for and encourage myself , I have to face with my sadness, loneliness and every difficulties. Am I very demanding to persons besides me? I do not know, I feel this life is too heavy for me!

Can I leave things there and run away?
I have just tried and found that I run nowhere, just like ostrich hiding his head in sand.
Just isolate myself in more pain and tired!

I know the feeling too bad now and keep hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Hope I can pass this time quickly.

May 2003 - a flash of life

An old feeling.

Chưa bao gio mình mỏi mệt đến như vậy.
Cuộc đời là cõi tạm ư mà sao ta đớn đau đến thế. Cái cảm giác luôn như không thể nào chịu đựng nổi vẫn đeo bám ngày này qua ngày khác, mà ta vẫn tồn tại.
Mỗi ngày với công việc mỗi nặng nề hơn mà ta có gì để bù đắp ?
Luôn là nỗi cô đơn khủng khiếp đó, nó luôn hiện hữu dù ta có chấp nhận hay không. Luôn trốn tránh, tìm vui bằng những bong bóng đủ màu mình tự tô vẽ, để một lúc nào đó, nỗi cô đon ấy gần như đánh gục mình hoàn toàn.
Có ai trong cuộc đời này cho mình có thể chia sẻ những điều ấy ?
Cái mà ta cần là gì, tình yêu, cái mà thiêng liêng nhất cũng đã bó tay,
Cảm giác muốn trốn chạy luôn ám ảnh bởi mang nặng nỗi cô đơn ấy với một tương lai mịt mờ cùng bao bất trắc, thì có còn chi là vui thú cuộ c đời !
Trái tim chật vật đập những nhịp nặng nề mỗi sáng trưa chiều tối. Làm sao mình chịu đựng nỗi.
Cảm giác ngọn dao ấy đâm thẳng vào tim, mình thật lòng ước mong không có bất kỳ ai trên cuộc đời này trải qua cái cảm giác đó !
Môi vẫn cười, mặt vẫn rạng rỡ, mình luôn ngưỡng mộ mình quá đỗi cho khả năng che dấu niềm đau, nhưng mình sẽ chịu đựng bao lâu nữa. Mình rất muốn đầu hàng bởi chịu đựng cuộc sống ngày đối với mình gần như là quá sức.
Mình chưa từng chịu những cảm giác như vậy, mình mong rằng đó đã là tận cùng để mình còn có thể ước mong rằng thời gian này sẽ qua, rằng mình sẽ chịu đựng nổi.
Mình sẽ không thay đổi con nguời của mình, dù bản ngã ấy làm mình khốn khổ.
Chỉ có một niềm vui được dâng hiến là còn giữ mình tồn tại. Dâng hiến cho những người mình yêu thương và chỉ có thế.
Mong mình sẽ có thêm sức lực để qua nốt đoạn đường chông gai này.
Mình là một người dũng cảm và đầy nghị lực, không gì có thể đánh gục mình , trừ phi mình bỏ cuộc. Trừ phi mình bỏ cuộc !

The strange dream

I think it was from 2002. Post it here to recall an old friend in an old time.


Chuyện gì đang đến vậy? Cái cảm giác mà nó mang đến thật thú vị nhưng cũng rất đáng sợ. Con người thật khó hiểu, những giấc mơ kỳ quặc…Những giấc mơ, mình luôn biết năng lực vô cùng của nó, mình đã có những giấc mơ không sao giải thích nổi và sau đó những ảnh hưởng lớn lao mà nó để lại. Nhưng mơ như thế thì chưa bao giờ cả. Một giấc mơ kỳ lạ dẫn dắt bao nhiêu suy nghĩ trong một thời gian dài.
Tại sao lại có thể xãy ra điều ấy, người ta có thể tưởng tượng tất cả mọi thứ mà người ta yêu mến, mong mỏi nhưng một điều không thể có ở hiện thực lại có trong những giấc mơ giống nhau và được lặp lại thì thật kỳ quặc. Có chắc là điều ấy chưa bao giờ có trong sự tưởng tượng không? Thật đáng nghi ngờ phải không?

Mình luôn bị dằn vặt bởi sự khao khát biết được mình đã như thế nào trong những giấc mơ đó. Và tất cả, từng chi tiết… Lẽ ra mình không nên biết về sự hiện hữu của giấc mơ ấy, bởi những cảm xúc dai dẳng nó mang đến, bởi có thể sẽ có những điều khác sẽ đến (tưởng tượng quá chăng). Mặt khác mình cũng hiểu chịu đựng giác mơ ấy một mình là không thể chịu nổi.

Cuộc đời muôn vẻ nhờ những điều ấy, và mình, may mắn (hay không may mắn?) có được những kinh nghiệm ấy. Một cảm giác không tả được nổi bật trong những tháng ngày làm việc bận rộn đến trơ lì mọi cảm giác, để gần như không còn ham muốn hay bất kỳ đòi hỏi giải trí nào ngọai trừ ngủ.

Dù sao, vẫn cám ơn về chuyện ấy. Nghe thật tức cười và hơi tội lỗi phải không? Cho những cảm xúc tinh khôi. Cho những vui buồn luôn chia sẻ. Cho sự lựa chọn khủng khiếp đó.

Crisis!

Nowadays having really a crisis!
Projects coming and yet you always with me. How can i stop thinking of you ?
You keep me growing with you daily, you give me the beautiful angle of life, but you also take from me the peace of being alone. A eager to want you to be with me, to talk to you a bout my awful love, all my wildest dreams to feed the love.
I know what i need to do but that is much conflict with my time schedule, how can i make it with only 24 hours per day? Without doing that i feel like a heavy stone puting on my heart making it dyeing slowly. Do you know all about that, all what a person can do to a person just with his love?
What its given is marvelous and painful too.
Anyhow i will make it and i will share to all who have the same way of love to someone.

Is it really love?

Thay đổi

Luôn muốn thay đổi...
Thay đổi giúp mình nghĩ là mình tồn tại.
Từ ngày Sinh nhật vừa qua mình muốn thay đổi chính mình, từ hình thức đến cách suy nghĩ.
Mình muốn có nhiều bạn, có nhiều mối quan hệ.... Những mối quan hệ làm mình vui va hạnh phúc hơn.
Yêu thương giúp mình đi tới.

...Cám ơn đời mỗi sớm mai thức dậy
Ta có thêm ngày nữa để yêu thương...

Ta chi chỉ có 24 giờ mỗi ngày, sao it thế? Ta không còn nhiều thời gian cho những việc mà ta muốn làm!