What is going wrong?

Another strange day to me!

I wanted, I made and now I am till not happy with what I have now!

Alone, running away from the current situation, want to be free from all headache matters and yet I am not happy! Everything is till there, when I am separated from such things, it seems worse with a clear picture. That is much clearer.

Then, what can I do next?

I lost the young guy I love, but I thought I did not love him that much. I think I can 't bear the separation for ever. But I am wrong, I missed him badly. I want to see his face, his laugh, whenever I pass a place I have been there with him, I miss him too much. Am I wrong to let him go out of my loving arms?

I fight lonely in this life, no one for me to lean on, I have to go my way, cry for and encourage myself , I have to face with my sadness, loneliness and every difficulties. Am I very demanding to persons besides me? I do not know, I feel this life is too heavy for me!

Can I leave things there and run away?
I have just tried and found that I run nowhere, just like ostrich hiding his head in sand.
Just isolate myself in more pain and tired!

I know the feeling too bad now and keep hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Hope I can pass this time quickly.